You know the type, loud as a motorbike, but wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight

Speaking the CFP into existence PLUS Potato Death Clock and Week 9 Best Brayden

God I hate this new playoff format. I really do.

Not content with changing the rules of gameplay so that they can squeeze a few more commercial breaks into a game speed up the game, college football’s expansion of the College Football Playoff (CFP) is also going to take a clean 31 days to finish. The breaks between rounds are longer than in the regular season. Despite being known for being Saturday’s football, and something like 90% of all games played on Saturday, the NCAA abandons its brand (yet again) and has all but three playoff games on weekdays. Tailgating is a Right and ritual in most college towns.¹ You really expect me to be happy about waiting to crack my first beer until the evening if my team is in the Semifinals? Not in my America.

But here we are. Less than a week out from the first CFP rankings (not to overwhelm you, but they come out on Election Day), it’s time the ABD stuck its flag in the ground. This is the official speak it into existence CFP Bracket.

Reminder, this is what the final bracket will look like, not what the initial bracket will look like on November 5.

Seeding

1. Oregon
   This should be pretty obvious. While Oregon are second best in most statistical rankings, the Ducks beat the best ranked team in those metrics (Ohio State) ergo, they are the best team in the country. There are no losses left on Oregon’s schedule. Maybe Ohio State beats them in the Big Ten championship after the Buckeyes run the table, which they will. But if not, Oregon is the obvious 1 seed this year.

2. Georgia
   Provided the Bulldogs don’t stumble against Tennessee — and look, wild things happen in college football — we’ll likely see Georgia play Texas in the SEC Championship. Yes, the Longhorns have Texas A&M on the schedule, but I do not believe in the Aggies. They are firmly situated on the hater list, and they will be for the foreseeable future.

3. BYU
   I hate this pick. I don’t think BYU is a Top 5 team, but I also don’t see them losing the Big 12. They have a clean schedule coming up: only one team they play has a winning record. That means they’ll play one of Kansas State, Iowa State, or (in a long-long shot) Colorado. The Cougars already thumped K-State, but have yet to play Iowa State. And if there’s anything I believe in less than the Big 12, it’s any team from Iowa. So I’m going with BYU at the 3 spot.

4. Clemson
   The Tigers are better than BYU, but I don’t think there’s any way the Playoff Committee puts a 1-loss ACC team over an undefeated Big 12 team. They should. But they won’t. Anyway, to get here means Clemson will have won the ACC — which I expect them to do. There’s nothing backing this up, statistically speaking. Miami are ranked ahead of Clemson in most advanced statistics. Miami, though, has yet to show it can put a complete game together, has not played any team currently in the Top 25, and I know the ACC, and when it’s a mess like this year, expect Clemson to win.

5. Notre Dame
   Look. I don’t want it to be Notre Dame. You don’t want it to be Notre Dame. It’s going to be Notre Dame. Don’t mind their horrendous, inexcusable loss at home to Potato Watch also-rans Northern Illinois, who need to go 2-2 over their last four games (which will be tough) just to be bowl eligible. But the Irish get favors. For example, they’re ranked ahead of Clemson in the AP Poll right now, despite the same number of losses and Clemson’s loss being against a respectable team (Georgia). I know Notre Dame beat Navy last week. They’ll beat Army in couple weeks. But good lord. No. Absolutely not.

6. Penn State
   Another in the haters Top 10. The Nittany Lions have, once again, managed to get themselves in the Top 10 without having an impressive win on their books. It’s not that other teams aren’t in similar situations. It’s that Penn State is never called out for it. They beat up on the Iowas and Illinois of the world and then get praised for running the table. Your out-of-conference was West Virginia, Bowling Green, and Kent State. Grow. Up.

7. Texas
   I think this is the lowest the Committee is contractually allowed to put Texas if they make the CFP. The Longhorns are going to finish with two losses, both to Georgia, but they’ll have beaten Texas A&M along the way, knocking the Aggies out of the SEC Championship game, and handing them their second loss of the season (the first coming at the hands of Northern Illinois-defeated Notre Dame).

8. Ohio State
   The Buckeyes catch a rough break here. Two losses, both to Oregon, and they have to sit behind Texas. I think the Committee is going to have a hard time fighting their deep, undying love for Ohio State and their unabashed desire for the SEC to own College Football. It’s a real “unstoppable force meets and immovable object” scenario. But the College Football wants Texas to be back, so I think the Buckeyes lose this argument by a nose.

9. Miami
   This is too low for the runner up in the ACC, but I think the Committee sees a one loss team from the ACC that couldn’t win the Conference as being less than Penn State losing one game and not even participating in the Conference Championship. Granted, the Hurricanes will finish their regular season schedule having won zero games against Top 25 teams at season’s end. Still, making it to your conference championship game should get your team some love, in my opinion.

10. Boise State
    Apart from playing Oregon tough early in the season, the Broncos don’t have a hugely impressive resume. That said, they’ll be the fifth highest ranked conference champion, so they get in by rule. Boise State is almost always exciting, and I’m glad that they’re the Group of Five team that gets in, because, well, they are the best Group of Five team. But a contender they are not.

11. Texas A&M
    Gross. Yuck. I don’t want to talk about it. I will say, in fairness, LSU: good win. Missouri: a mirage engineered by the AP Top 25 voters.

12. Alabama
    In a just world, this would probably be Indiana, but I’m going to go ahead and preemptively declare “SEC Bias!” that will 1) bring more attention the the Playoff and 2) [whispering now] probably be the right call. Indiana has put up monster numbers on offense this season, but their marquis win is Nebraska. Unless the Hoosiers can knock off Ohio State (they won’t), they’re better off playing Pitt or SMU in a different bowl (although I don’t think there’s a tie-in that makes this likely).

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Doomsday Potato Clock

We lost another one last week, as the Wyoming Cowboys were upset by the Utah State Aggies. Air Force, Akron, and Hawai’i are likely to join the Cowboys as underdogs this week, while ABD favorite New Mexico needs to go 3-1 to keep its potato dreams alive. It isn’t impossible, but the Lobos will need to win the easy game (Wyoming) and take 2 of 3 against San Diego State, Washington State, and Hawai’i. Of those, Washington State is the tougher out, but I’m starting to worry about my beloved Lobos after they turned the ball over 4 times in a loss to Colorado State last week.

Week 9 Best Brayden

Neither Brayden lit it up through the air last week, as neither quarterback threw for more than 200 yards. Fowler-Nicolosi managed to throw a touchdown without an interception, while Schager threw an interception without a touchdown.

But there’s a twist!

Brayden Schager nearly doubled his career rushing yards against Nevada and scored 4 touchdowns. The man went for 120 yards (compared to 151 over his three seasons leading up to this year) leading his team to a win over admittedly underwhelming Nevada. B.S. is back on top.

B.S. - 5
BFN - 4

1. To the uninitiated, “a drinking town with a football problem” could accurately describe any of the teams in this year’s field, save BYU and Miami. Change drinking to “skiing” and you get Miami.